i guess when everything in life seems to be going down there's always a pick me uper. im still looking for mine. but its not that im looking for someone in particular im just trying to figure out what i want in life first....life? what is life by the way? everyone searches their whole life of what he/she should be or want to be but i always see failure...in myself.

i had the weirdest conversation w/ my sister the other day. she asked me.."why are you always pushing people away?. what r u afraid of?".  it took me a while becuase i was shocked that she asked me this in the first place. but then i found a HALF conclusion. (half= thought of something but not truly a completed thought) ......to be honest. i dont really know.i guess its my past. but should my past still affect me today? its been 4yrs and im still having this feeling in my stomach that im going to lose another friend. im still confused about everyhting.and i still havent forgave that particular guy who hurt me so bad.

why am i so frustrated??! i shouldnt be. im soo happy w/ my life right?. maybe this month is never a good month for me.

maybe its the feeling that finals is approaching and lack of sleep.

i'm super happy its raining!! i missed it

soooo...

i havent written in here since forever!! still nothing amazing has hapened yet. wished something did. i'm pretty bored w/ my life righ tnow. all i do is study and do hw. blah blah blah blha. i've never actually been soo boreed w/ my life before. sure i've made some comments here and there about how my life is boring but RIGHT NOW its TRULY boring. actually i should be thankful. i havent had ANY drama since the incident w/ chris. my life has been goign smoothly. i've been doing well at school. i havent had a really BIG fight w/ my parents yet. (knock on wood)... i should be happy but i'm just so damn bored.